So often in life an issue is framed as a false dichotomy. Feminists are black belts in such framing. As I was perusing Deep Strength he pointed out one of these dichotomies.
- Choosing that you want a woman who can cook and take care of the house (patriarchy, holding down women) = evil.
- Desiring a woman based on physical attraction (“judges” women) = Shallow. Shame on you men for not looking past physical appearance
In chess we used to call this a fork. If you move your rook your queen is captured and if you move your queen the rook is captured. It takes a great deal of maneuvering plus a mistake by an opponent to set up a good fork in chess. Feminists are maneuvering to make men either evil patriarchs or shallow sexists as they choose to show inters in a woman. Men are tempted to make the mistake of attempting to thread the needle to avoid the charges.
The better approach is to avoid living down the center between the charges of extremism, but to live on another plain altogether; a higher plain that does not concern itself with the judgement of feminists, but is very concerned with the judgment of God.
Neither utility nor sexuality alone is the basis that God created marriage. Both are important and reasons to get married or avoid marriage.
Genesis 1:27-31 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” And God said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food. “Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food”; and it was so. Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
Genesis 2:18-25 And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
God created marriage because it was not good that man be alone especially regarding the twofold task of taking dominion. The first part is to subdue the earth and the second is to populate it. Marriage serves to facilitate both of those purposes. Men work harder and more effectively when there is a family who depends upon him and without a woman a man cannot pro-create. Companionship is the solution to loneliness and so marriage not only helps a man take dominion but also provides so that neither live alone. This is the stated reason that God created marriage from the beginning.
In the New Testament Paul tells us that there are reasons for marriage. The union of husband and wife creates a living picture of Christ and His bride, the church. Thus the marriage is a presentation of the gospel. Paul also instructs that sexual desire is a reason to enter marriage.
Ephesians 5:31-32 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church
Malachi tells us that God desires godly offspring, so marriage not only is the context to have children, but to raise and disciple them.
Malachi 2:15 15 But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
My advice to young men has been; only marry a woman who is a christian that you are attracted to, who shares your life vision, who will assist you in achieving that vision, who wants to bear your children and demonstrates a “helper’s heart” of service and submission. Cooking cleaning singing and the like are all bonus points, but don’t overlook an otherwise acceptable perspective wife just because she can’t prepare a proper crown roast like mom used to make. Let the feminists complain. Rejoice in the wife of your youth, it drives the feminists bonkers. Don’t get forked!