I admit it I took the bait. I clicked on a Facebook link shared by a friend of mine. I knew better, but knowing that this friend has been influenced by Christo-feminism and recently was wedded for the second time I was curious what she thinking and how her life was turning out. The link lead here. It was another isn’t “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman so awesome. I hate to be a voice in the wilderness on this, but no it is not awesome, but rather toxic.
The premise of the book is that everyone has their preferred “love” language. That language may be words, gifts, actions, touch, or time. Their “love language” is that which make them feel validated cherished and appreciated. The presupposition is that love is feeling and evoking that feeling is the essence of love. The abuse of the premise is that couples (and by that it is inferred mostly husbands) need to learn their spouse’s (wife) “love language” to make them (her) feel loved. Women’s discontent is stirred by such worldly wisdom. So many have thought or said, “My husband doesn’t speak my “love Language” that is why I’m not happy. “ Oh, can you just imagine the rainbows, unicorns and cotton candy that will be experienced if you can just speak the same language.
It turns out that the Bible has a different love language, but it is not too popular with Christian book publishers.
John 14:15 ” If you love Me, keep My commandments.”
Yep that is the love language of Jesus. In case you did not get it, He repeats in the negative.
John 14:24 “He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father’s who sent Me.”
The apostle John repeats the application of love rather succinctly.
1 John 5:3 “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments”
Still not getting it? Let’s try again!
2 John 1:6 “This is love, that we walk according to His commandments.”
So you see the love language that Jesus hears is obedience to His words and authority which proceeds from His Father. Five Love languages is not concerned at all with authority or obedience, but feel good practices that are in the context of negating authority and obedience. Because love is about obedience to authority, knowing the chain of command is critical. Consider God’s chain of command:
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
I know that is not commonly heard and you might think it incorrect, so here it is in another Epistle
Ephesians 5:23-24 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
If a wife is to speak the love language of God then she will obey God’s words to submit to her husband, fear him, respect him help him and yes obey him. If she is not happy, maybe it is because she finds the commandment burdensome. Here again is 1 John 5:3 , only with the second half of the verse not abridged.
1 John 5:3 “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.”
The key to speaking the love language of God is to obey and not fear that obeying makes one a “doormat”. There is no fear of such things in the loving of Christ.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
After all, obeying cannot make one less than what Christ has already made you, a joint heir of the grace of life.
If a husband is to speak God’s love language to his wife he is to obey the word of God and imitate Christ in such ways as: rule her (, lead her, teach her God’s law, provide for her, pray for her, chastise her (Rev 3:19), encourage her, rebuke her and die if necessary to protect her.
God’s love language is not words 1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
Love is not a feeling; it is obedience to the law. In fact is the fulfillment of the law (Gal 5;14, Rom 13:8).
Only Christians can transcend their own narcissism and truly love: 1 John 4:7-8 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
But some might object, isn’t this “love language” thing an application of 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. I answer no! THe understanding is not about some best-selling psycho-babel that encourages the discontent of women. The understanding that Peter refers to is the understanding of the word of God and the understanding of His love language, obedience.
I wonder how long Christians will continue to embrace every feel-good psychology that comes along and occludes the clear teaching of the word of God. Telling men to man up and make their wives happy has fueled the feminist rebellion and discontent which is now mainstream in post-modern Christendom.