1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
There has been a battle of ideas over how the man and the wife complement one another sexually. The Christo-feminists enforce the idea that the wife is the regulator of the sexual life of the couple. Some of the tenants of this view are: if she is not happy then no one is happy, if her husband has not earned access to his wife’s sex then he is prohibited from sex, If she is reluctant it is marital rape, she can and should use sexual favors to civilize her man or at least get stuff done around the house.
A biological vantage notes that because men produce millions more zygotes than women they are biologically programmed to be ready to reproduce whenever a biologically suitable mate is present. The male does not bear the same risk as a woman to bear and raise an infant. While women are programmed to be most available during their cycle when they are the most fertile. They are attracted to the most dominant male who has the ability to provide for their physical needs especially to protect them and their offspring in case of attack. Men are able to impregnate many women while a woman can only be impregnated by one man at a time. The tendency for men to desire many women to bear his children is called polygyny and the tendency for women to seek out the best available male is hypergamy. Women will swap up if a better mate is possible whereas men will collect more women.
Wives project their own hypergamy onto men and often fear that men will leave them unprotected. They are zealous to keep her man away from other women who would “steal” him away of they could to move up socially. Men are more likely to guard their women to prevent being cuckolded and having to raise another man’s offspring. This is biological psychology at its most animalistic level. But we are above the animals and the Bible shows us a better way, a way that reflects the relationship between Christ and the church.
I suggest an analogy to explain the Biblical doctrine of oneness and sexuality. A man is like an automobile engine. He provides the force for propulsion and dominion work. The engine works by a serious of explosions that generate great heat that rapidly expands the gas/air mixture to push down on the cylinder that make the car run and move. But the heat generated for work is also capable to destroy the engine and ruin the purpose of the car. A car without a working engine is an eyesore that is just decaying and rusting; useless as a mode of transportation. To overcome the problem of heat auto engineers have designed a cooling system. By use of a radiator, water pump etc. the engine can run at optimum temperature and produce considerably more work.
The cooling system in the analogy is the wife. She absorbs her husband’s heat and helps him take dominion. As a bonus the heat can be released intot the cabin of the automobile and warm up all the occupants (children). A husband (engine) can propel the auto (household) in the family mission and do much more work with proper heat transfer. A wife who resists her husband’s sexual advances is causing him to run hot and perhaps overheat. This is what Paul warns about in 1 Cor 7 “…so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Likewise a husband that is cold to his wife will also not run at optimum and she will remain cold and the household will be cold and he will run inefficiently. The engine needs to fire to warm up the cooling system, even in the hot weather the engine must work to run the air-conditioning in the cabin and keep the home comfortable. When a husband is cold toward his wife the mission suffers because the system is not working as designed. A much more common problem is that the wife due to feminist presuppositions or biological realities is less willing to share her husband’s heat.
Proverbs 6:27 Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?
A husband like an engine will eventually burn up and break if there is not a continual heat transfer. The lack of sex in a healthy married man will destroy him, Satan will help. A Biblically functioning marriage is one where the engine and the cooling system are working together to run at maximum efficiency, while creating a comfortable home.
Neither the engine nor the cooling system can refuse the other when running. What about at start up, is the wife cold? Yes, the engine must create and transfer some heat. That process is called courtship and the honeymoon. Once the car is running it is sin that is likely to damage the essential parts to defraud the other. That does not preclude special times of added heat like romantic getaways, and special celebrations.
1 Corinthians 7:4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Once the I do is done the fitness testing is over. For a wife to fitness test her husband for sexual access is to dishonor the authority he has been given, to violate her vows an to defraud him. Likewise to refuse to warm the wife is self destruction and makes for a bad climate in the home. Oh and don’t be surprised if folks talk more about the engine output than the cooling capacity. It is not blame shifting to say the engine overheated because the cooling system failed, likewise it is not blame shifting for a husband who is sexually defrauded to desire more and even find that he has issues with lust. That is just overheating and the solution to an overheating engine is to transfer more heat to the coolant, open up the thermostat and push more air through the radiator.